I find myself extremely angry sometimes, to the point of being blinded by fury. It feels like my mind is about to shut off, and a primitive animal instinct is about to take over. It flows through every inch of my body. It runs like hot lava through my veins. I feel an energy around me that lets people know not to get close to me, not to talk to me.
It is disappointment that triggers this state. It is being ashamed of myself. I feel weak when I think I can’t ride any more. When I am too tired in the mornings to wake up. I feel that I am cheating myself when I decide to relax rather than write. When I take a nap instead of taking another photograph.
I feel this way because I put myself in this situation, I wanted this… I embarked on this journey because I want to push my body like I never had before. I wanted to sharpen my mind. I wanted to be tested spiritually, so I could choose to persevere.
And every time that I remind myself of this, I transform that rage into energy, into fuel that ignites my determination. I take control of my mind and I focus it on goals, really high goals. As soon as I have a clear image in my head I move without hesitation. There is no fear, there is no doubt, there is no plan B. There is only action.
I embrace my explosive personality and my anger because of how I use it. Because at the end of the day it is only energy, and it is up to me to decide how to wield it.
(Photos by Ricardo Palomares)